Friday, March 24, 2006

Dear Aiz..

sorry aiz m using ur blog to express my personal feeling towards you!!!!!!
the truth is i do LOVE u love u love u love ..SO MUCH.i dont care what others think of me after they read this....infact i'm ready if din retaliate & confront me....M READY!!!!but deep in my heart i'm hoping din will understand my situation..sorry din......didnt mean to break ur heart....
ffuuuhhhh! i feel better now, its so true as what ppl say u'l feel great after expressing what was in u for years....yyyeeeeaaarrrss
gosh....really! i feel better now,in split seconds all those stupid feeling was gone..gone ...gone..yeah! you know what? din, by all means...u can hv her back.....i love what i m now...FREE & committment..
i lie.......this wierd feeling is still in me,that sometimes without u noticing i cant get my eyes off u... my heart has been locked to you even how bad you'v treated me at times as bad as how you'v broken not asking for gold or diamond,what i seek for is just a place to SLEEP, not sharing with others.... a small hse in your compound.

(written by Mitter Kunta)

Dear Thebo,
You should know by now that i love you the most. I'm surprised that you did not notice how i beam when i see you, how i smile when i hear your voice.. I would stop doing what I'm doing just to say hello to you. You mean the world to me and nothing can ever change that. Of course there'll be a place for you to sleep and not sharing with others. Other times when Din is not around you can sleep with me. Ohhh Thebo, I love you so......

Love Always,

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


dia ada hati yang mulia,
berwajahkan complexion yang menjadi kedengkian ramai,
tubuh yang sedap dipeluk,
daya kreatif yang mampu menjadi cover 'elle decoration'

kalau lah dia menjadi teman sejatiku,
kalau lah dia menjadi teman travelku,
kalau lah dia dapat ku pimpin bersama-sama teman-temanku yang seakrabnya,
kalau lah...

i received this comment for my previous blog by an anonymous....
i can very well guess who this person with good complexion is. he is a gem in so many ways and if only he's not afraid, it will be awesome...

Sunday, March 12, 2006

And they talk.....

ommi: "hi thebo, whatcha doing there?"
thebo :" oh... hi, i feel like taking a nap"
ommi :" you so high up? do you like it there?"
thebo: " yeah "
ommi :" it's warm over there isn't it?"
thebo :" yeah "
ommi :" don't you feel like sleeping with me later?"
thebo :" maybe... i"m extremely sleepy "
ommi: " okay then, see you later."
thebo: " later "

ten minutes later...

ommi: " hey, why aren't you asleep yet?"
thebo: " oh... i was thinking about sleeping with you later"
ommi: " well, actually i'm kinda ready to sleep right now. do you wanna come?"
thebo: " emmmm.... yeah okay, why not"

he stretched, jumped down from the fridge and follow ommi to bed.

din :" apa dia kau ni? "

tomato: " tak suka tau basah basah ni!!"
din :" suka hati mak nenek aku lah..."
tomato :" kau memang selalu macam tu... jahat!!!

din continued washing the car and tomato retired inside the house.

ommi :" hi thebo. i love you... do you love me? "
thebo :" tak "
ommi; " sebab apa?"
thebo :" sebab ommi tak sembahyang maghrib lagi"

ommi took her ablution and performed maghrib.

din: " hey! kau buat apa tu ha?"
tomato: " jangan kacau lah"
din :" kau ambik ikan dalam pasu tu eh?"
tomato: " ntah...."
din :" hey!!! bak balik ikan aku... mampus pulak dia nanti!!"

din took the fish from her.

tomato, crying... :" jangan lah ambik!!! kita dapat dia dulu!!!!"

din took the dead fish and threw it in to the drain.

tektomel: huuh huuh huuh huuh (crying )
ommi ignored.
tektomel: huuh huuh huuh
ommi: "apa dia?"
tektomel: "tektomel nak tido."
ommi: " gi lah tido "
tektomel: "tektomel nak tido dengan ommi"

ommi sighed, swithed of the computer and obliged to her request.

tektomel " cepat lah ommi, cepat lah"

ommi turned the lights off.

troy: "nakkkkkkkkkkkk"
din: " turun troy, turun"
troy: " yoy nakkkkkkk"
din : "TUURUUN!"
troy : "yoy nak jugak.... nakkkkkkkk"

din gave up, locked troy in the room till he finished his meal. afterwhich, secretly he fed troy from his leftover meals. the rest wished they were his favourite too.

tompok & belang : (running everywhere, behaving like a pair of monkeys)
ommi: hey.. hey.. slow down...
tompok & belang : (ignoring her, were still active jumping up & down)
ommi: "hey ommi cakap dengan din you all ni naughty sangat...."
tompok & belang : ( still ignoring her ,they began to climb the curtains)
ommi: "hey!!! apasal degil sangat ni ah? ommi hantar balik BAHAU kang baru tahu!!!
tompok & belang heard the magic word and slowed down, eventually doozed off on the bed.

din: "tomato.... tomato.... apa lagi yang kau bawak balik ni ha?"
tomato: (ignored him, still held tight to the dried leaf she brought in)
din: " semak rumah nanti tau tak?"
tomato: (started to play with the leaf)
din: " bak sini..."

din took the leaf from her posession.
tomato: " ahhhh, sibok je.... tsk!!! "

she left the house to look for another leaf.

ommi: " hi thebo"
thebo: " ommmmiii "
ommi: " apasal bo?"
thebo: " ommmmmmiiiiiiii"
ommi: " nape bobot ommi ni? nape sayang?"
thebo: " oooooooooommmmmmmmmiiiiiiii"

then she saw his gums were bleeding.

ommi: " sape buat ni bo? sian nya boy ommi ni"
thebo: " sakit"

on the way to to clinic.
thebo: " sakitttt ommi.... sakit!"
ommi: " tak pe, thebo good boy... kejap lagi smpi"

thebo cried all the way to the clinic. ommi did her best to keep him calm.
his tooth was extracted and they headed home. thebo stopped crying.

tempe: "hi din..."
din: " emm"
tempe: " sayang din"
din: " emm... tepi lah ... orang nak tengok tv ni..."
ommi: " come here girl..."
tempe: " hey ommi.... love you ommi"
ommi: " love you too girl..."
ommi : " girl dah makan dah?"
tempe: " belum"
ommi: " gi makan gi... nanti cat jahat datang and habiskan.. gi"

tempe left her lap and headed to the food station.

thunder: "hey.."
ommi: " hey thunder "
thunder: " nak makan "
ommi: "ada food kat sana lagi, pegi lah"

thunder left dor the food station and came back.

thunder: " tak de pun!!!!! "
ommi topped up the food for her.
ommi: " thunder tido dengan ommi malam ni?"
thunder: " chomp chomp chomp... tak tau lagi...."
ommi brushed her teeth and headed to the computer.


Thursday, March 09, 2006


i'll be there for you, these five words i swear to you ....

when you breathe i wanna be the air for you

i'll be there for you
i'll live and i'll die for you

steal the sun from the sky for you

words can't say what a love can do

i'll be there for you


I'll Be There For You typical morning.
clockwise from right THEBO, TOMATO, TIMOR, THUNDER, TARAKAN,
and YUM YUM.

thebo and trey


in loving memories, TARAKAN who woke us up for subuh

in loving memories, TOBY who thought us the meaning of survival

Ask yourself to define the meaning of 'friend'.

If your answer is just a word, like accomplice, colleague, acquaintance than I feel sorry for you.
your answer should be in a sentence and not just a word.

I don't have many friends but I know a lot of colleagues and have a lot of acquaintances...

Recently something happened between my close friend and I. It was my fault but I felt like blaming her for the predicament. After receiving her text of apology I felt really sorry for myself for being pathetic. Prior to receiving the text I was planning not to answer any of her calls.... I did not reply to her message immediately but that crucial 5 minutes assured me that I've grown up and not just grown old. I thought rationally about where our friendship has brought us to. It was nothing else but fun . A person of a different culture who accepts me just the way I am and most importantly, a person of bad times.
and so I replied telling her that we are okay. Amazingly, I felt so much better... And quite frankly, I've never felt this way before. The long walk and the long wait due to the predicament felt like a hop and a blink away. I am so glad I did what I did.

Mother always tell me that I put my friends first before anything or anyone else. Today I am glad she's right...

Below is an article that made me write today. I've coloured the sentences that we can probably think about... and as the author said " life would be a pretty lonely lonely lonely affair "

it's all relative by ELAYNE CLIFT

If someone were to ask me what I would do if I"had it to do all over again," my answer would be this: I would love my friends and relations so well that no matter what, they would love me back in the same way. No reservations, no quid pro quos. No angst, no sibling rivalry, no holds barred. Maybe then I wouldn't be wondering now what it is that gets in the way of relationships between people whose connection to one another is so profound that nothing ought to be able to harm it.
I started thinking about this because of the extraordinary and painful rifts that seem to be tearing through the bonds of sisters I know. Has it always been there, I wonder, this awful, almost inevitable hurting of each other's souls? Are we just now owning it, or has something fundamental gone out of our relational lives, making space for the hot acid of recrimination that appears to creep so readily into the crevices of our hearts? Much has been made of the complex mother-daughter dyad in recent times, butal most no one, it seems, has explored the delicate territory of sisterhood, or friendship for that matter. If not altogether unmapped, those are tough topographies worthy of further exploration.
I became convinced of that when a friend told me with great sadness recently about the falling-out she'd had with her sister shortly before the sister's death. This was followed by a tearful conversation with one of my favorite cousins whose relationship with her beloved sister had become so fragile that she feared they would never repair the damage done. Shortly afterwards, another cousin, and then another, told similar stories. "She's not there for me when I need her," they told me. "She did this or didn't do that." "She just doesn't understand me." "I love her dearly, but we can't seem to talk." "She doesn't know where I'm coming from." "There's too much competition between us." All of it was familiar to me. I, too, had suffered the emotional split from a much-loved sister and had grieved the change in our relationship for years. It is an experience of loss that only those who have gone through it can know.
In each case, I gave them the same advice. "No matter what your issues are," I said, "find your way back to what binds you. No matter what it takes: hours of talking together, weeping, screaming, whatever - have it out until you get back in touch with the love, the loyalty, the special relationship you once had. Reclaim your sister before it's too late. If you don't, you may live to regret it." I could say this with quiet authority: I lost my sister, my only, much-loved older sister, before I could reclaim her, and it was too late. Each of them understood me, I think, but none has been able yet to act.
This scenario, while perhaps more dramatic between siblings, isn't confined just to family. Friendship and other meaningful relationships are destroyed every day over mundane as well as profound issues. One friend of mine, a lifelong friend on my short list of people I could count on, told me recently that an offhand remark of mine had offended her so much that she could not accept my invitation to an annual holiday dinner. I was stunned. Even if I had been unintentionally tactless, was that a reason to virtually end all contact? If I stopped talking to everyone I love who had ever offended me, I thought, life would be a pretty lonely affair. When did relationships become this cheap, this dispensable? When did we begin to give up on "working thingsout"? When did we start junk-piling the important connections inour lives and stop stockpiling the reservoirs of forgiveness and tolerance that made family and friendship work in spite of themselves?
I've talked to my cousins and my friends about this a lot lately. And every time, a familiar ache roots itself in my chest, and I wonder what would have happened had my sister lived. Would we have done our screaming, weeping and talking until we were able to hug our way back to sisterhood and the bond of sibling connection?
Will her daughters, with whom I struggle so heartily now to forge family ties, ever understand why my heart breaks when they keep me at arm's length because of the baggage they insist onbearing? Will my cousins reclaim their own sisters before it's too late?
With all my heart, I hope so. Because they are the lucky ones. They can do it all over again. And that is an opportunity just too good to pass up in this time of fragile friendships, remote relatives and hungry hearts yearning for simple connection.


Friday, March 03, 2006

The mean thing

She 's not perfect. I know so because I've known her for almost 34 years . We have our disagreement over a lot of things. She disagreed on my boy friends. She disagrees on the clothes I wear. She disagrees on the things I buy. She disagrees with my opinion when I know I am right. She refuses to listen to my explanation only to find out that I was right and even then she pretended that she was right. She always claim that she knows what's best which worked when I was still young but when I think I am able to use my own head we always end up arguing.

I always complain that she never understands me. My supposedly "white" wedding didn't turn out as how I wanted it to be. Money was not well spent and I was literally forced to "bersanding". All because that was the last wedding in the family.

going on a holiday with her always end up with a quarrel. Though I told myself that I was never going to another holiday with her, I will find myself sitting next to her in an airplane on the next trip.

my sister found a letter I wrote to my friend saying that I needed to get out of the house because she had become a mean monster. Yup! She was a mean monster and so I thought.

over the years I have beginning to know her better. When I recall all the things she had done for me, I know I could never ever repay her.

recently, I was promoted. It was not easy for me to get it, I had to sit for a test and go through an interview. A test of product knowledge that I took for granted all these years and an interview that begun with a pair of shaky legs and inaudible voice. Somehow, I was confident that I'll get it. There were so many people involved with my being promoted but one thing for sure I thank her the most for she did 'hajat' prayers every night until the results were out.

when I got the good news, I was almost in tears. The hard work during the nerve wrecking week, was well paid off. The first person I called was her, she was too happy that she was speechless and then she just cried...

I believe that this globe trotting job works well with me because of her. She has been very supportive from the very beginning. From getting me my first office attire, first heels and first handbag till my first alarm clock that played a very loud irritating "lambada" when the alarm went off.

we are moving to our new house soon and she helped us whenever we were short of cash.
though she doesn't agree with the interior of the house, she is still very supportive.

she has not seen the complete interior yet and I guess she flipped out...

no matter how I think she never understands me, I must admit that sometimes she does.

after all
the "lambada" alarm clock was a fat cat...
she warms up to all my close friends because she knows I treasure them...
she talks to my cats...
cooks for me...
still buy me clothes that I will wear...

well, that is mother......
with her grandchildren