Friday, January 18, 2008

she will always be my favourite

Mother said she has a 50/50 chance of surviving. My sister said her daughter is only waiting for her time. I was crushed.

Shima, my niece is a smart person. She strives hard in everything that she does and even now, my sister said she is still holding on. Shima wanted to be successful in her life. Poverty often delay her plans but somehow she managed to find a way. At 17 she enrolled herself in lower 6. She took a bus in a heavy rain to the education office and begged to be accepted as all the lower 6 students have started class 2 months earlier. Based on her excellent results the previous year she was accepted but in to a school that was far away from home. She refused to leave the office until the person in charge gave up and finally entertained her request. Her school is now closer to home.

In school, she was misjudged by a ridiculous gossip which ended her having no friends. Not long, those who were deceived by the gossip realised that she wasn't the person they were told her to be. Not only was she smart but she was also friendly and extremely helpful.

When she was younger, she used to visit me often. As she grew older, part time odd jobs refrained her from coming during the school holidays. Somehow, things were different last year. She called asking me to take her to my place. I was busy and told her that she might have to put off her plans. Being a persistant person, she begged me and told me to take her home with me even if it's for a while. She needed a break. As if GOD had made the most perfect plan for both of us, with ease she was in my place 2 days later.

Her 7 days visit left an impact in my life. She revealed everything about her life to me. Things that I never knew. Things that I was oblivious to. When I left her at the bus station, I was already missing her and started to make plans for her next visit. I was very excited and can't wait for February to come as that will be the month she's gonna visit me during the weekends.
Text messages and phone calls were often exchanged. I will make a point to call her immediately should I see signs of distress. Even if I am not in town.

Just as I arrived Narita, her text came in. She's in the hospital, she said. Frustrated with the network service, I decided to call her when I got home. She was crying when I finally got the chance to speak to her. She asked me to visit her as soon as I can. I obliged.

She was in a very poor condition. To have a conversation with her was impossible. Finally, just before I left we had a brief conversation. She told me about the doctor whose name is the same as a friend of mine that she is fond of......... Dr. Komar. We laughed a little and then I had to go home.

Yesterday, they moved her to the ICU. Today I received the sad news. I wanted so much to be by her side as soon as I can but situation wouldn't allow that and I have to wait till Din gets home tonight. As I sat waiting, I cried my heart out. It had been almost 17 years since my dad passed away and the thought of losing my favourite niece is so unbearable. She has a bright future ahead of her and I had plans for her. Y'know I never told her that I love her.

I have to go see her, I know I have to. She was asking for me.
Shima, tunggu Ommy sekejap.... Ommy sayang Shima...

"I couldn't be better"

All of us react differently when we are heart broken. Most of us cry when we pour out our feelings to certain people. It could be a close friend or probably a stranger whom we've just met. Some of us cry ourselves to sleep or when we are alone, put on a brave face when it's time to greet the day. Some of us prefer to bottle up our feelings and pretend that nothing had happen and some idiotic ones would cry, cut/shave their hair, shop like there's no tomorrow, get themselves drunk and dehydrated, and only to find it was all silly just two weeks from the drama day.

Connie, has never been lucky when it comes to love. Just when she thought she had finally found the right one, they had to say goodbye to a relationship that could probably end up like a fairy tale. They met at a difficult circumstances. There was nothing else to do but to accept their fate.
Connie said that if I love her, I shouldn't ask her questions about the fateful relationship. Matters were never discussed since. I guess the reason she jogs at night now is to produce happy endorphins before she goes to sleep. She's also planning for a short holiday to get her mind off the whole thing. I truly cannot imagine what she is going through. One thing for sure, its really awful to be in her shoes. Though all I could hear Connie said last night was "I couldn't be better" repeatedly.

She still has faith and that was really pleasing to know.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Or is it really?

When I was a new staff 9 years ago (yeah rite! make it 9x 2 OK...) I often hear remarks for "savage supervisors" that did not make any sense to me like :

1. tak dapat la tu, malam tadi (s/he didn't get it last night)
****bubble**** " didn't get what???? what was it that s/he didn't get last night that turned her/him into this ferocious homo-sapient??"

2. period kot..... (she's having her menses)
****bubble**** "OK, menses... but why? is it very heavy and she is feeling very uncomfortable? If so why didn't she opt for tampons instead of sanitary pads?"

3. gaduh dengan girl/boyfriend dia (had row with girl/boyfriend)
****bubble**** "hmmmm.... an argument.... right... understood...... but but but why? why must s/he act as if s/he having that row with us???? WHY???????"

Well, what can I say? I just turned 18. Lacked of humans' touch. Lacked of understanding the emotions and feelings of a human. Unfortunately, after learning of 'what they were supposed to get last nite' and the change of emotions during menses and having the human touch, I still bitched with the same remarks...

Well, I was 22... what do you expect?????

And now, I am having a good laugh at myself because I have become the 'she didn't get it last night' plus 'having her menses (though I'm an ardent user of tampons)' plus 'had a row with her boyfriend' person or in short that bitchy supervisor.....(and no, I am not proud of it)

At my age now.... (yes you've guessed it right, it should be 18x2... dang!!!!) nothing is more important than doing a job sincerely and properly. Be honest. Follow the rules. Guide the morons. Work hard. Make-up for a good 45 minutes.. and at the end of the month, when you see your bank statement you'll smile with pleasure. Ahhhhh..... it's all worth it. No lies, abide the rules, educate those ignorant subordinates, I worked my a$$ out, bear the consequences of the birthday cake make-up.
I guess you should know that I get paid extra for doing all these. After all I am a responsible person. How can I break the trust they have given me?

Though.................. I hate to admit that if I do get it last night or if I am not having menses or a row with my boyfriend, the tendency of me being lenient is highly possible. (and to the ignorant ones, I am acting strange)

Emmmmm.... what else can I say??? the nasty remarks can be true sometimes....

" now tell me. which part of 'follow the procedures' don't you understand?"