rumah baru

finally, i am in my new house.... the process was a nightmare...
two 5 tons lorries were used to transfer my junks into the new house. 20 big boxes to unpack. Hundreds of holes to drill for all the shelves in the toilets, store room, utility room and not forgetting the curtains that by the way are not up yet...etc, etc...

frankly i don't think the nightmare is over but i am planning to take it slow and steady though i don't seem to be very good at it. For a start, the finishing touches will not be done not until the kitchen cabinets are in.. The kitchen cabinets? Well they are in all right but with no doors. The kind of doors that din and i had sleepless nights consider to purchase.. The kind of doors that had squeeze our budget really tight....

then there's this really huge opening on the wall that has not been covered yet.... and the opening was not supposed to be as big but hey.... sometimes we do silly mistakes by accident or plainly by being ignorant. why isn't it covered? ohhh... we have to wait till the cabinets are fully installed....

my famous bathroom? The Malay styled "outdoor" shower?? Not fixed. Why isn't it fixed? ohhh.... we have to wait till the cabinets are fully installed... and by the way a rat died in there the other day, thanks to my cats.

so the day the incomplete cabinets arrived i became a bitch. Din said so.... and i know so.

i realize that there was nothing can be done... the cabinets were in without the doors. the cabinet man told me that he was not inform of the predicament by his coordinator... coordinator???? He should learn how to coordinate before taking up that post!!!!

and now my living room is filled with the kitchen utensils....

but hey life goes on.... i better go do what i can to make my house look habitable for now... but nevertheless the cats are happy... they brought in a mouse the other day on my bed for me.... your welcome people... Yuck!!!!

kettle in the middle of the living room? wow! That's new....

kena panjat platform baru boleh mandi ni....

backyard or trying for an outdoor cooking? hahahaha.... try harder..
there's thebo....

installation art? kesian nya!!!!! try even harder!!!!!

ni apa ni?

notice anything that blew my budget?? nope? well i don't blame you....

ni art lagi ke??

store room ke?
cuba cari thebo....

plastic drawers? in the living room??????

Dear Aiz..

sorry aiz m using ur blog to express my personal feeling towards you!!!!!!
the truth is i do LOVE you....love u love u love u love ..SO MUCH.i dont care what others think of me after they read this....infact i'm ready if din retaliate & confront me....M READY!!!!but deep in my heart i'm hoping din will understand my situation..sorry din......didnt mean to break ur heart....
ffuuuhhhh! i feel better now, its so true as what ppl say u'l feel great after expressing what was in u for years....yyyeeeeaaarrrss
gosh....really! i feel better now,in split seconds all those stupid feeling was gone..gone ...gone..yeah! you know what? din, by all means...u can hv her back.....i love what i m now...FREE & GAY..no committment..
i lie.......this wierd feeling is still in me,that sometimes without u noticing i cant get my eyes off u... my heart has been locked to you even how bad you'v treated me at times as bad as how you'v broken promises.im not asking for gold or diamond,what i seek for is just a place to SLEEP, not sharing with others.... a small hse in your compound.

yours
thebo...
(written by Mitter Kunta)


Dear Thebo,
You should know by now that i love you the most. I'm surprised that you did not notice how i beam when i see you, how i smile when i hear your voice.. I would stop doing what I'm doing just to say hello to you. You mean the world to me and nothing can ever change that. Of course there'll be a place for you to sleep and not sharing with others. Other times when Din is not around you can sleep with me. Ohhh Thebo, I love you so......

Love Always,
Aiz.

kalaulah....

dia ada hati yang mulia,
berwajahkan complexion yang menjadi kedengkian ramai,
tubuh yang sedap dipeluk,
daya kreatif yang mampu menjadi cover 'elle decoration'

kalau lah dia menjadi teman sejatiku,
kalau lah dia menjadi teman travelku,
kalau lah dia dapat ku pimpin bersama-sama teman-temanku yang seakrabnya,
kalau lah...


i received this comment for my previous blog by an anonymous....
i can very well guess who this person with good complexion is. he is a gem in so many ways and if only he's not afraid, it will be awesome...

And they talk.....

ommi: "hi thebo, whatcha doing there?"
thebo :" oh... hi, i feel like taking a nap"
ommi :" you so high up? do you like it there?"
thebo: " yeah "
ommi :" it's warm over there isn't it?"
thebo :" yeah "
ommi :" don't you feel like sleeping with me later?"
thebo :" maybe... i"m extremely sleepy "
ommi: " okay then, see you later."
thebo: " later "

ten minutes later...

ommi: " hey, why aren't you asleep yet?"
thebo: " oh... i was thinking about sleeping with you later"
ommi: " well, actually i'm kinda ready to sleep right now. do you wanna come?"
thebo: " emmmm.... yeah okay, why not"

he stretched, jumped down from the fridge and follow ommi to bed.
end.


din :" apa dia kau ni? "

tomato: " tak suka tau basah basah ni!!"
din :" suka hati mak nenek aku lah..."
tomato :" kau memang selalu macam tu... jahat!!!

din continued washing the car and tomato retired inside the house.
end.






ommi :" hi thebo. i love you... do you love me? "
thebo :" tak "
ommi; " sebab apa?"
thebo :" sebab ommi tak sembahyang maghrib lagi"

ommi took her ablution and performed maghrib.
end.

din: " hey! kau buat apa tu ha?"
tomato: " jangan kacau lah"
din :" kau ambik ikan dalam pasu tu eh?"
tomato: " ntah...."
din :" hey!!! bak balik ikan aku... mampus pulak dia nanti!!"

din took the fish from her.

tomato, crying... :" jangan lah ambik!!! kita dapat dia dulu!!!!"

din took the dead fish and threw it in to the drain.
end.

tektomel: huuh huuh huuh huuh (crying )
ommi ignored.
tektomel: huuh huuh huuh
ommi: "apa dia?"
tektomel: "tektomel nak tido."
ommi: " gi lah tido "
tektomel: "tektomel nak tido dengan ommi"

ommi sighed, swithed of the computer and obliged to her request.

tektomel " cepat lah ommi, cepat lah"

ommi turned the lights off.
end.


troy: "nakkkkkkkkkkkk"
din: " turun troy, turun"
troy: " yoy nakkkkkkk"
din : "TUURUUN!"
troy : "yoy nak jugak.... nakkkkkkkk"

din gave up, locked troy in the room till he finished his meal. afterwhich, secretly he fed troy from his leftover meals. the rest wished they were his favourite too.
end.



tompok & belang : (running everywhere, behaving like a pair of monkeys)
ommi: hey.. hey.. slow down...
tompok & belang : (ignoring her, were still active jumping up & down)
ommi: "hey ommi cakap dengan din you all ni naughty sangat...."
tompok & belang : ( still ignoring her ,they began to climb the curtains)
ommi: "hey!!! apasal degil sangat ni ah? ommi hantar balik BAHAU kang baru tahu!!!
tompok & belang heard the magic word and slowed down, eventually doozed off on the bed.
end.





din: "tomato.... tomato.... apa lagi yang kau bawak balik ni ha?"
tomato: (ignored him, still held tight to the dried leaf she brought in)
din: " semak rumah nanti tau tak?"
tomato: (started to play with the leaf)
din: " bak sini..."

din took the leaf from her posession.
tomato: " ahhhh, sibok je.... tsk!!! "

she left the house to look for another leaf.
end.

ommi: " hi thebo"
thebo: " ommmmiii "
ommi: " apasal bo?"
thebo: " ommmmmmiiiiiiii"
ommi: " nape bobot ommi ni? nape sayang?"
thebo: " oooooooooommmmmmmmmiiiiiiii"

then she saw his gums were bleeding.

ommi: " sape buat ni bo? sian nya boy ommi ni"
thebo: " sakit"

on the way to to clinic.
thebo: " sakitttt ommi.... sakit!"
ommi: " tak pe, thebo good boy... kejap lagi smpi"

thebo cried all the way to the clinic. ommi did her best to keep him calm.
his tooth was extracted and they headed home. thebo stopped crying.
end.

tempe: "hi din..."
din: " emm"
tempe: " sayang din"
din: " emm... tepi lah ... orang nak tengok tv ni..."
ommi: " come here girl..."
tempe: " hey ommi.... love you ommi"
ommi: " love you too girl..."
ommi : " girl dah makan dah?"
tempe: " belum"
ommi: " gi makan gi... nanti cat jahat datang and habiskan.. gi"

tempe left her lap and headed to the food station.
end.

thunder: "hey.."
ommi: " hey thunder "
thunder: " nak makan "
ommi: "ada food kat sana lagi, pegi lah"

thunder left dor the food station and came back.

thunder: " tak de pun!!!!! "
ommi topped up the food for her.
ommi: " thunder tido dengan ommi malam ni?"
thunder: " chomp chomp chomp... tak tau lagi...."
ommi brushed her teeth and headed to the computer.
end.


TRUST ME, THEY TALK....

I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU

i'll be there for you, these five words i swear to you ....

when you breathe i wanna be the air for you

i'll be there for you

i'll live and i'll die for you

steal the sun from the sky for you

words can't say what a love can do

i'll be there for you

tempe

I'll Be There For You typical morning.
clockwise from right THEBO, TOMATO, TIMOR, THUNDER, TARAKAN,
and YUM YUM.

thebo and trey

troy

in loving memories, TARAKAN who woke us up for subuh

in loving memories, TOBY who thought us the meaning of survival

Ask yourself to define the meaning of 'friend'.

If your answer is just a word, like accomplice, colleague, acquaintance than I feel sorry for you.
your answer should be in a sentence and not just a word.

I don't have many friends but I know a lot of colleagues and have a lot of acquaintances...

Recently something happened between my close friend and I. It was my fault but I felt like blaming her for the predicament. After receiving her text of apology I felt really sorry for myself for being pathetic. Prior to receiving the text I was planning not to answer any of her calls.... I did not reply to her message immediately but that crucial 5 minutes assured me that I've grown up and not just grown old. I thought rationally about where our friendship has brought us to. It was nothing else but fun . A person of a different culture who accepts me just the way I am and most importantly, a person of bad times.
and so I replied telling her that we are okay. Amazingly, I felt so much better... And quite frankly, I've never felt this way before. The long walk and the long wait due to the predicament felt like a hop and a blink away. I am so glad I did what I did.

Mother always tell me that I put my friends first before anything or anyone else. Today I am glad she's right...

Below is an article that made me write today. I've coloured the sentences that we can probably think about... and as the author said " life would be a pretty lonely lonely lonely affair "

it's all relative by ELAYNE CLIFT

If someone were to ask me what I would do if I"had it to do all over again," my answer would be this: I would love my friends and relations so well that no matter what, they would love me back in the same way. No reservations, no quid pro quos. No angst, no sibling rivalry, no holds barred. Maybe then I wouldn't be wondering now what it is that gets in the way of relationships between people whose connection to one another is so profound that nothing ought to be able to harm it.
I started thinking about this because of the extraordinary and painful rifts that seem to be tearing through the bonds of sisters I know. Has it always been there, I wonder, this awful, almost inevitable hurting of each other's souls? Are we just now owning it, or has something fundamental gone out of our relational lives, making space for the hot acid of recrimination that appears to creep so readily into the crevices of our hearts? Much has been made of the complex mother-daughter dyad in recent times, butal most no one, it seems, has explored the delicate territory of sisterhood, or friendship for that matter. If not altogether unmapped, those are tough topographies worthy of further exploration.
I became convinced of that when a friend told me with great sadness recently about the falling-out she'd had with her sister shortly before the sister's death. This was followed by a tearful conversation with one of my favorite cousins whose relationship with her beloved sister had become so fragile that she feared they would never repair the damage done. Shortly afterwards, another cousin, and then another, told similar stories. "She's not there for me when I need her," they told me. "She did this or didn't do that." "She just doesn't understand me." "I love her dearly, but we can't seem to talk." "She doesn't know where I'm coming from." "There's too much competition between us." All of it was familiar to me. I, too, had suffered the emotional split from a much-loved sister and had grieved the change in our relationship for years. It is an experience of loss that only those who have gone through it can know.
In each case, I gave them the same advice. "No matter what your issues are," I said, "find your way back to what binds you. No matter what it takes: hours of talking together, weeping, screaming, whatever - have it out until you get back in touch with the love, the loyalty, the special relationship you once had. Reclaim your sister before it's too late. If you don't, you may live to regret it." I could say this with quiet authority: I lost my sister, my only, much-loved older sister, before I could reclaim her, and it was too late. Each of them understood me, I think, but none has been able yet to act.
This scenario, while perhaps more dramatic between siblings, isn't confined just to family. Friendship and other meaningful relationships are destroyed every day over mundane as well as profound issues. One friend of mine, a lifelong friend on my short list of people I could count on, told me recently that an offhand remark of mine had offended her so much that she could not accept my invitation to an annual holiday dinner. I was stunned. Even if I had been unintentionally tactless, was that a reason to virtually end all contact? If I stopped talking to everyone I love who had ever offended me, I thought, life would be a pretty lonely affair. When did relationships become this cheap, this dispensable? When did we begin to give up on "working thingsout"? When did we start junk-piling the important connections inour lives and stop stockpiling the reservoirs of forgiveness and tolerance that made family and friendship work in spite of themselves?
I've talked to my cousins and my friends about this a lot lately. And every time, a familiar ache roots itself in my chest, and I wonder what would have happened had my sister lived. Would we have done our screaming, weeping and talking until we were able to hug our way back to sisterhood and the bond of sibling connection?
Will her daughters, with whom I struggle so heartily now to forge family ties, ever understand why my heart breaks when they keep me at arm's length because of the baggage they insist onbearing? Will my cousins reclaim their own sisters before it's too late?
With all my heart, I hope so. Because they are the lucky ones. They can do it all over again. And that is an opportunity just too good to pass up in this time of fragile friendships, remote relatives and hungry hearts yearning for simple connection.

THANK YOU MS CLIFT....

The mean thing

She 's not perfect. I know so because I've known her for almost 34 years . We have our disagreement over a lot of things. She disagreed on my boy friends. She disagrees on the clothes I wear. She disagrees on the things I buy. She disagrees with my opinion when I know I am right. She refuses to listen to my explanation only to find out that I was right and even then she pretended that she was right. She always claim that she knows what's best which worked when I was still young but when I think I am able to use my own head we always end up arguing.

I always complain that she never understands me. My supposedly "white" wedding didn't turn out as how I wanted it to be. Money was not well spent and I was literally forced to "bersanding". All because that was the last wedding in the family.


going on a holiday with her always end up with a quarrel. Though I told myself that I was never going to another holiday with her, I will find myself sitting next to her in an airplane on the next trip.

my sister found a letter I wrote to my friend saying that I needed to get out of the house because she had become a mean monster. Yup! She was a mean monster and so I thought.

over the years I have beginning to know her better. When I recall all the things she had done for me, I know I could never ever repay her.

recently, I was promoted. It was not easy for me to get it, I had to sit for a test and go through an interview. A test of product knowledge that I took for granted all these years and an interview that begun with a pair of shaky legs and inaudible voice. Somehow, I was confident that I'll get it. There were so many people involved with my being promoted but one thing for sure I thank her the most for she did 'hajat' prayers every night until the results were out.

when I got the good news, I was almost in tears. The hard work during the nerve wrecking week, was well paid off. The first person I called was her, she was too happy that she was speechless and then she just cried...

I believe that this globe trotting job works well with me because of her. She has been very supportive from the very beginning. From getting me my first office attire, first heels and first handbag till my first alarm clock that played a very loud irritating "lambada" when the alarm went off.

we are moving to our new house soon and she helped us whenever we were short of cash.
though she doesn't agree with the interior of the house, she is still very supportive.

she has not seen the complete interior yet and I guess she flipped out...

no matter how I think she never understands me, I must admit that sometimes she does.

after all
the "lambada" alarm clock was a fat cat...
she warms up to all my close friends because she knows I treasure them...
she talks to my cats...
cooks for me...
still buy me clothes that I will wear...

well, that is mother......

with her grandchildren

What a week.... Sigh..

our new house

The week started with a fax that was handed over to din. A quotation of our built in wardrobe and kitchen cabinet for the new house..
staring at it for hours did not help to reduce the prices in the quotation.

Finally after a long thought and a longer "stare", we decided to go ahead with the kitchen cabinet and settle with an Ikea wardrobe.
I fetched Nisa and headed to Ikea. I need to survey, I told her. Plus Husni was there to guide me on my future purchases.

Nearing Ikea, we heard a strange noise, like something had snapped. When the car stopped, we knew something was really wrong. Fortunately for me, it all happened infront of "Proton Edar". Walking there, I seek for assistance and found one. Aziman was going to tow my car and get it fixed, as soon as possible at his workshop, where he is a part time mechanic. With that RM 1100.00 was given to him. Nisa loaned me RM 850.00. (HOORAY FOR NISA)
Husni asked us to drive ourselves home with his car. (HOORAY FOR HUSNI)

Still has a lot of things to do and errand to run, my sister was kind enough to lend us her kancil. (HOORAY FOR DEE)

Today, we ended up in IKEA again to get some last minute stuffs before the sale ends. The queue to pay the parking ticket was extremely long that I have decided to queue and din to bring the car over and meet up with me at the "pick-up" area. When I was done, I called him. In distress, he told me the car stopped suddenly and something must have given way. I arrived at the scene witnessing three strangers helping push the kancil to the side. (HOORAY FOR THE THREE STRANGERS)

I rang my sister and told her of our predicament. She simply said " NO FUEL ". When I looked at the meter, I saw the needle was pointing to "E"..

shaniza

The first person that crossed my mind was Shaniza but it was close to 11 pm and she wakes up at 4 am to go to work. ( I forgot it was a weekend ) so I called Komar instead. I briefed Komar. He got the picture and made his way to rescue us.

When the crowd at the Ikea parking space subsided, I pushed the car out of the parking lot with the help of 2 security guards. (HOORAY FOR THE SECURITY GUARDS)

Komar finally arrived elegantly in his black vehicle. Hair trimmed with dark framed glasses, black t-shirt, he looked so intelligent holding the fuel can and a make do funnel from a cut mineral water bottle. After a series of failure attempts, we finally managed to empty the fuel can and got the car running.

Casually I told komar that " he's the best " and without turning back, in the same manner he answered " I KNOW.... "
i like confident man... ( though i thought i heard that his pitch was unusually higher but anyhow.... HOORAY FOR KOMAR )

Anyway I am safely at home now and feeling very tired... Thanks to the very stressful week I had...

Nevertheless it was quite an experience that have taught me a lot about myself and others...
I know for a fact that i cannot make it through without the help of my family and friends..

I thank ALLAH, for giving us good health and all the rezeki that he has given us in so many different forms and ways....

Thank you mother, for your time, your love, your patience and most importantly your money... ( we will pay you back as soon as possible... )

Nisa for lending me the much needed cash ( that I have already paid, FYI...)....

Husni for letting us use his car to drive ourselves home....

my obliging sister for being so understanding and accommodating.. and the kancil..

Sarina for picking me up to buy food for my feline relatives..

Shaniza for being the first person that I thought of...

the three strangers and the two security guards for helping us push the car...

and last but not least.... My hero for today, for being at home and promptly came to rescue us without hesitation...

THANK YOU KOMAR...

MY HERO

my kind of people

UNUSUAL PEOPLE, yang tersalah skrip, yang tak pakai c**i, yang pandai, yang menarik

who sees the child in me

cool brother

obliging sister, funny nieces

knows what fun is

teman sekerja yang setia

cats who find me stimulating

yang kuat angan angannya...

who think alike

great sense of humor

abang abang hensem

mestikah?

si teman kerja

mestikah kau tanya
yang tempatku berharga?
tidak ku minta
kau sedikit harta

mestikah kau tanya
yang tempatku berbeza?
tidakkah kau tahu
yang aku tidak berpura pura?

mestikah kau tanya
yang tempatku purba?
tidakkah kau tahu
yang media kita berbeza?

mestikah kau tanya
yang tempatku tidak berwarna?
tidakkah kau tahu
yang aku tak mahu mendengarnya?

kenapa mesti kau tanya?
bukankah ini ku punya harta?
dengarlah kata sarina, si teman kerja,
DUIT AKU, AKU PUNYA SUKA......



sarina,
you woke me up and inspired me.
thank you for letting me be who i am..
being with you have always been refreshing and sometimes rewarding..
you have thought me a lot about life, i am grateful..
looking forward to more happy times...

emphathic equals to "NOT ME"

• i wish....

I wish I was nicer to her ... Probably said something nice to her... But I was always stiff around her.. Strange how I work... standoffish one minute, convivial another.

while my siblings ask her important relevant questions, I just stood there hiding. I scowl and looking schmaltzy.. I wanted to express my feelings. How sorry I was that this is all happening but I kept on hiding.

today, I was told that it had spread to her left brain. She had asked for our prayers and forgiveness..

I was speechless...

I just wish I had said something to her..

something like...

please forgive me if I have hurt you in any ways,
I may appear unfriendly but I have a good heart.

I am sorry for what you had been through,
that is something that I am not envious of you.

I can't imagine the life you have,
with my blue-eyed relation living with you.

it is probably unsightly, intolerable and unpleasant,
but you go through it without ascribing.

obliging, accommodating, compromising, devoted, GOD fearing,
you were with living..

I wish you well and I hope you will never give up,
for there's more that I can learn by just looking at you.

I truly am sorry..........

the big man...

this is my man... the big boy... the love of my life.... thebo...

just the girl

she was just the girl from the same block,
words were never exchanged,
eye contact was never made...

she was just the girl from the same room,
ice was broken,
we had a conversation...

she was just the girl i knew,
relationship askew,
we had to be true...

she was just the girl i hobnob with,
quandaries dispensed,fete together,
with fun, fray, apathy and laughter...

"and who was she again?"

she was just the girl who became a friend...

I guess it's not wrong...

when I met him, he taught me....

from benighted to enlightened,
from wasted cash to well spent cash,
from computer paralysis to computer savvy,
from flats to 4 inch heels,
from beastly to beauty,
from ikea to eames,
from yawning to beaming...

when he met me,
for years....
I have intensively listened to his explanations,
for years....
I have exhaustively watched him draw,
for years....
I have steadily smelt his pencil lead against the paper,
for years....
I have searchingly tasted his dreams,
and for years....
I have actively been helping him to touch his goals...

recently,I made his drawing come to life...

so I guess it's not wrong for me to say "HUSNI KATA......"